BABY-O-HEAD…WAS IT’S NAME-O

WEEK 12:

Well, another chaotic week filled with stressful lows and musical highs! This week, a friend, Todd, christened Little Bean Baby-o-head because Little Bean and I attended 3 Radiohead concerts in 5 days! We even drove an hour ½+ to see them in Santa Barbara for the last day of their tour. The Radiohead crew always included Michelle, Todd, Baby-o-head, and I. We were hardcore and so, a silly friend gave us a silly name. Rightfully so if you ask me.

The downside, school began for us and so, I had to go back to work a week earlier than I had planned when I first bought the tickets in April. Trying to balance the stressfulness of the first week of school (at a new school) and going to long planned concerts that would get us home late when I had to wake up early and focus on being a teacher was oober tough, but we survived. The concerts were amazing though. I wish I could feel Baby-o-head move so I could tell he/she was feeling and hearing it. Monday night was the best because it included yummy cupcakes from Dots in Pasadena. I wanted red velvet so bad (just look at that picture), but as I just discovered, its bloody chocolate! (okay, so I'm slow, sue me) No chocolate for us so I had a yummy-yummy strawberry shortcake. I spent it with amazing loved ones. We had last minute guest appearance from Stephanie and her nephew Roman. Ryan was unable to attend so we had to sell the extra tickets. It was sad not to go with him but it was still filled with love and music. Baby-o-head and I made the best of it. I did try to text him from the show but my dumb phone wasn’t cooperating. The songs sounded so much better with a little belly rubbing. My little bump is looking cute. Only visible to those who know, to others, I just had a good summer (nudge-nudge).

Once again, this was the first week back to work and like a bike, you just don’t forget how to teach. I was really nervous about everything. More so about the wardrobe since my boss still doesn’t know about my little bump. Work, well it was stressful and this is why I am more motivated to tell my boss asap. I can’t afford to put Little Bean into such situations where stress can take me over. I have learned to take it easy but I still have spurts of stress and I don’t want to cause any danger to its development. I have worked so hard these past few weeks to ensure a nice peaceful environment. I don’t need the stress that 3 days of teaching has caused me. The silly thing is, it’s not the kids, they're great (though I am struggling with one) but it is parents that overwhelm me. I need to learn to deal and balance this new move. I know it was the right move but I have to get over this hurdle. I hope I continue to have support from my boss. He has been great so far. I have to remember what is important here, and it's the little one growing quietly in my tummy.

I’ve been playing my little Buddha Machine Music Box to Little Bean. It’s a little music box that continuously plays an enlightened monk, drone-like instrumental. Just in case Little Bean got sick of Radiohead (don’t know how) but a little meditation music helps both of us relax and enjoy quiet time together.


Oooooooommmmm.

WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS...

WEEK 11:

What a crazy week. Just in case being pregnant isn’t overwhelming enough, feeling displaced, even homeless has been upsetting. This week our apartment was fumigated for a current termite problem. We were put up in the sleaziest hotel ever (the Welcome Inn in Eagle Rock, stay away!) whilst I was already simply hormonal making a pathetic, sad situation even more dramatic, as I experienced this alone. My better, rational half was working those days, so coping alone was rough. Like always, learning something out of poor situation is all we have. I definitely was reminded how as simple as our lives are, its ours and its wonderful. Grief, does that even make sense?

Back to the trauma that was fumigation. Coming home was the pits ‘cos my paranoia and neurotic nature made me feel like I was inhaling toxins, even though we were given the “okay” to vacate the premises. I couldn't do that to Little Bean, I have to be oober careful now-a-days. This was the lowest of the low. I felt alone ‘cos I didn’t know where to go and I just didn’t want to go back into another hotel as Ryan suggested. Sure I was being difficult but I wanted to be home, in the comforts of a home. Long story short, I fell in love with my friend Michelle all over again. She took us in BUT she took take care of us. It wasn't about me about Little Bean and trying not to stress out. She was mindful of making sure we were fine and eating. We got to lie down on a clean bed, she hooked me up with an US Weekly, and season one of the BBC show “Shameless.” If you are a fan of James Mcavoy, this show makes you fall in love with this guy (just in case “Last King of Scotland” didn’t do it)! Unfortunately, Ryan got off of work really late and headed to the apartment. I chose to stay out as long as possible. Michelle and I went to breakfast and anything that would kill time. When I finally got home, Ryan was about to wake up and we were soooo happy to see him! Fumigation sucks. Cleaning up sucks.

Anyhow, I had to transition from a messy apartment torn apart from a fumigation drill to getting ready for work/school. Thankfully I got some work in with a little help from my friends.

Okay, okay…no sense in dwelling in such a bad experience (but I feel better, thanx) and onto, well, baby watch. The belly is out! This week I have become far more in tune with my little bump and the fact that, “yeah, I really am pregnant!” I know this sounds dumb to say, but it is a surreal feeling. I mean, during the first few week I had plenty of daydreams where I was imagining that being pregnant was just part of dream! There were countless times I would wake-up suddenly, look for Ryan and would verify with his glowing smile that it wasn’t a dream. I wouldn’t ask him nor tell him about my daydreams but I just could tell by the way he now looks at me. Those dreams were just so strange ‘cos generally, we all wake-up and it’s not true, it was a fantasy. Not this time, at least not for me. So to really come to grips with being a future mommy is so odd. Talking to myself is okay ‘cos I am not alone. Well, it’s just my excuse.

NO ALARM AND NO SURPRISES…PLEASE

WEEK 10:

This particular week felt like a roller coaster, both emotionally and physically. I think the emotional was followed the crazy physical changes my body has taken. Thankfully, I have been reading quite funny pregnancy books, which oddly enough, their chapters seem to be aligned with my personal progress. For example, about a week ago, I so happen to be looking in the mirror at my belly when I realized I was growing in a winter coat in the middle of summer!! I was devastated. That evening on the treadmill, whist reading The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy (great read), she mentioned this exact experience about our bellies. I laughed/cried as I sped walked my little heart out. It was confirmed, my body was no longer mine and it will not be for another year. It is such any easy concept, of course, but as a women in the majority (I hope), dealing with body image issue for the past 32 years of my life, it is a hard pill to swallow. My body and I have not necessary had a fantastic relationship. But please let me explain, I didn’t quite begin this wonderful venture with the ideal body. I should have taken a cue from Angelina Jolie and lost loads of pounds before gaining those lovely pregnancy lbs. I was already a good 10 pounds over my “average,” but I digress.

This particular week, my gut turned into a little belly. My breasts have a mind of their own. My arms are now stuffed sausages. My hips and my bum are still fairly in tact. I believe it is Mother Natures way of keep a sense of humor whilst torturing me. My pants fit but good luck getting them buttoned. I finally bought the popular Belly Band or Tummy Tube, whatever your preference. This is the single best invention ever! I can keep my pants for a few more months with this awesome thing. And you know this will come in handy post-baby and beyond. (For those Friends fans, a la Joey Thanksgiving style). I made this purchase at that same shop I dared to buy a bra!

Da-da-da-da-dahhh

Just in case this hasn’t been a sore spot with me and millions of other “curvy” girls, this was far worse than I had EVER imagined. I am glad I went alone. I did not need an audience for this pathetic trip to the dressing room, which would end in tears. For those ladies that can relate, just picture buying a bra for a pair of breasts you never thought you would own, or have been appalled when you accidentally came across a size on the rack you could never imagine true. Did those numbers and letter combinations really exist? Sisters, yes they do. But once again, these were no longer my breasts used to get me out of trouble with the opposite, occasionally the same sex in the past, they were now milk producing machinery. I had to treat them as so. My second attempt to purchase a “bra” went a bit better. I just kept thinking, “These are not mine, it’s all for Little Bean,” which brings me to another point. There is some evidence, instinct, that this little bunch of love in my belly is a boy.

On Sunday, I had to attend a same-sex reception/wedding. I needed to go shopping for a last minute dress since my “wedding” dress had shrunk…okay, I grew. For some reason, this possibility had not crossed my mind and figured the same dress I wore to a wedding a month prior would some how magically fit when then I had complained it was snug. I am slow, I admit. I simply didn’t want to go shopping?!?! I mean, I love to shop, I’m a red-blooded female for heaven sakes. Sure, I have no money, but I love to shop. I genuinely did not want to go shopping. I was talking to a friend and I told her, I think my tummy is housing a boy. First, I once loved room-temperature water, now I can’t deal with it, I love cold, painful water touching my teeth! Secondly, I once loved mornings, I was an early bird, now I simply drag and feel wide-awake at 11pm!! Thirdly, these breasts, these mountains! Enough said. Finally, not loving or looking forward to go shopping??? What? My thought is, this is a little boy who loves a cold drink, is a night owl, loves boobies, and hates shopping. C’mon, this has to be the right explanation for such a lifestyle switch. We won’t technically now for a while but this is my neurotic explanation to make me feel better about all these changes. Sue me! Me friend got a great laugh out of this and suggested from me to make note of this suspicion.

Back to my bump. I have attempted to shop for some of those trendy tunic, tent, billowy tops. Going in to a maternity specialty shop was comforting but I just could not stand the obvious preggo tops! They just made me feel, old? I do not know what it was, but I just was not having it. Just so you do not think I am just being a brat and pouty, I tried some on of this tops on. Yep, just as I thought, not for me or at least not yet. I am sure I will wanting them when a XL tunic no longer gives way for my bump. I was pretty proud of that belly band, I showed Ryan my new wardrobe lifesaver. He knew I had been having body issues so he was pretty happy to see I has doing better in this department. I lifted my shirt to show him my cool tummy tube and I heard one of my favorite sounds, a child-like giggle. Without thinking, I put my shirt back down and he wanted an encore! He was so excited. “Let me see again!” he smiled. Now those are the moments that make my little hormonal slumps worth the challenge. Awww…I love that guy!

THE STRANGEST SECOND CHANCE

WEEK 10:

Well, to my delight, on our last visit (7/24) with my wonderful doctor, he requested to see ua within 2 weeks! Yessss...I knew this visit would include another chance meeting with Little Bean. According to my books, 'cause you know I reading loads of those things, he/she would no longer look like a manatee but a little more human. I just couldn't wait. Poor Ryan but this was once again was a morning appointment.

The initial check in was just odd. We got stuck with some "nurse" lady who obviously had not done this drill before. Long (but funny) story in a nutshell, she created such an awkwardness that I had forgotten why we were there. I just didn't trust she was entering the correct information in the computer!! Yeah, that bad.

Anyhow, finally, we were back in examining ROOM 4 with the same machine I have learned to love. I was crossing my fingers we didn't need to take a "detour" to see Little Bean!! But, I really didn't care, I just wanted the blurry screen on to my right and us searching. And, well, I got the gel! Double yessssss!! I felt like a pregnant patient, like those seen on TV. I drank loads of water, like my books suggested for a better opportunity to see the little one. The more fluids the better. Retaining that much water was a different story.

Belly exposed with tons of cold gel later...oh, and there it was was, the sweetest image again! There was the head. Okay, I see that. There is the heart beating away. Good, nice and healthy. And, there is his bum? Yep, someone was being camera-shy. Still, he/she looked adorable. The cutest unborn baby on Earth! Little Bean was lying on it's left-side, snoozing or being silly. We saw limbs!! Little arms and legs. He/she had the cutest round head. I believe it is very much taking after it's father. Round head, thin limbs, and anti-social! Cute!!

We must of gotten spoiled 'cause it will be another FULL month, not 2 weeks, until we will scheduled to see him/her. Now I just want to buy my own sonogram machine like Tom Cruise and had full access to seeing our little love at anytime. I use to think he was crazy (and deep inside I still do) but he was on to something with that kooky idea of his. Oh to be disgustingly wealthy....