YOU HAVE A STRANGE EFFECT ON ME...AND I LIKE IT

WEEK 26.4

I've been getting these strange, outer body feelings. Just this weekend, I was sitting on the sofa, cross-legged and giggled 'cause this is now a bit of an effort 'cause I forget but then I realized, "Oh, I'm pregnant aren't I?" Then my mind goes to all these strange places. Holy smokes, I really am pregnant! My aches and pains and all the little nuances have just become a part of my daily life. What was life like before this cute little belly? I genuinely don't recall much. I've been housing my Little Bean so long it seems that pre-belly was this distant land and I recall very little. My discomforts with my clothes is just typical woman, just like when you gain a bit of weight and you get use to it if you chose not to do anything about it..."oh well" mentality. The fact that I know I will Pooh Bear shirts (yes I use this as a verb) is just acceptable. You know, when you put on a shirt and you look like this -> The shirt loses the battle.

Anyhow, this belly has taken over my life that I can't imagine life without talking to my belly, rubbing my belly. Wow, I really am expecting a little one. This sometimes is hard to fathom. I do recall when I just had found out that a belly would be in my future. I shook in the cold bathroom trying to wrap my head around this concept and now, what was life before this gorgeous gift? Did life even matter when a little one is busy playing in my belly? This strange physical aspect has me dumbfounded sometimes. There is a little person playing in my belly and I look forward to it. I am no longer me, I am "we." We're hungry, we're going to sleep, we're tired...

Someone shared with me, not so long ago, that she felt really hallow after her baby was born. She felt alone and it made her sad. You housed this baby for so long that you miss it dearly. I mean, I have been aware of Little Bean since I was 4 weeks along. Some people I have talked to didn't know until they were 2, 3, 4 months along!! Their pregnancies just seem far more shorter, not trying to take away their time but before they knew it, there was their child. I sometimes feel I will be pregnant forever. As joyous as it seems, I do want to meet her already. I dream about her. But what will life be after this belly, this body?

Does this even make any sense? Well, try being in my head when my mind goes everywhere...