SHE’S LOST CONTROL AGAIN…

WEEK 22

Okay, this clumsiness and absent-mindedness has reached its high. I am a bigger mess than what I started as. I drop things, I forget things, I misplace things all the time, I forget things...it is just miserable...unbearable.

It is not cute that this is happening because I'm "pregnant" as people try to assure me. It is really frustrating.

The old-wives tale that explain this particular phenomenon is that this is preparing me for solely focusing on the baby and that nothing else matters. I guess these explanations ease the lack of control but it is putting me out. Going to the bathroom a million times a night is preparing for sleepless nights, etc. I just have NO control anymore. This is why I am taking such stand on my diet 'cause this is all I can control. Some people find it nutty that I chose not to eat chocolate or have the occasional cup of coffee. This is all I have man!

[sigh]

This state of mind is NOT helping me at work! I need to be focused with the demand of my student population, more so the legal aspects that driven by some of their parents.

I hope for things to get a bit more settled 'cause trying to hope for it to get better is useless. Oh heavens, I sound like a Debbie Downer now...sorry :( but just call me Mr. Clumsy.

WE'RE MOVING ON UP, TO THE [WEST]SIDE...

WEEK 21

This was a difficult week filled with packing and moving. I hate it!

Like most, I just want to close my eyes, make a wish and everything would be magically moved! After many failed attempts, I resorted to actually moving a little here and there everyday after work. My guilt came from Ryan working endlessly at the house. Our routine turned into me getting out of work asap, making (or picking up) dinner, and taking it to him. Unfortunately, this would be his only break and first meal of the day. This is how we would share our moment our moment for the day, in the back porch, eating until he had to get back to work.

My poor guy. Love him more than words can say. He just wanted this house to be ready for us. I will definitely let Little Bean know what an amazing person her pops is.

HALF WAY TO CRAZY

WEEK 20.1

I am half way through this adventure. I still remember the feeling of telling a select few about this pregnancy with such apprehension because I wasn't sure what the future held, yet feeling time dragged...no belly insight to secure me. Now my round belly flutters with Little Bean as I type this. Her little pokes turned to bubbles popping to those darn butterfly flutters I had heard about. She really doesn't like me sitting at all. I hope I'm not squishing her in there :( This is the only times I seem to feel her; when I sit. She may just love the movements of my day as I hustle and bustle at work. When I sit, she may be saying with her moves, "Stop being lazy lady! Get up and keep on movin' 'cos I like it!"

Silly girl.

HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE...

WEEK 19.5

Ahhhh...I am beginning to really embrace my pregnancy as I begin to wear it on my face. The glow has taken over and I didn't mean to. I just had to make note of today.

My wonderful co-worker, my hero, my mentor, amid a school-rant after school, stopped me and said, "You look really pretty today" as she studied my face. In my nervousness I told her it was my love for Little Bean and knowing she was well that has brought me peace. Inside, I felt all soft and mushy.

After work, I went home to make dinner and took it to Ryan. I had planned on staying a bit to water the lawn. As I dragged the dirty water hose to the front of the house after getting it all muddy watering the back, I kissed my work clothes away. I wore white pants today (I know, I know) and my crispy, clean trousers became dingy gardening pants in minutes.

[sadness]

When I started to finally get a handle of the hose, our lovely neighbors, Pauline and David came out to greet us hello. (I love this part of owning a house) Then David stared at me for a bit and yelled out, "You look beautiful today!" Awww...I melted and wanted to cry. I yelled out, "Oh thank you" rubbing my belly, "it's because of Sofia!" That was the nicest thing I had heard. It was sweet.

I'm starting to get the whole pregnancy glow, it makes you feel so special when sometimes you don't feel too good.

Is this story cheesy? Yes! So sue :P

I GET A KICK OUT OF YOU...

WEEK 19.4

Late Saturday night, Little Bean was just having a party in my tummy...and let me say, it feels magical. I was on my side, curled up in bed quietly feeling my belly, ready for bed. The TV flickered in the dark room but all the entertainment I needed was there under my finger tips.

Ryan got home early and he joined me in bed.

I giggled 'cos I really felt her, I mean, I felt her poke at me through my skin! I then asked Ryan if he wanted a go. She go shy 'cos it was daddy but then moments later, she said hello. This was a moment I will hold forever.

We share so few of these moments with the chaos of balancing life. I am glad we had that moment.

OUR CATERPILLAR GIRL....

WEEK 19:

flicka flicka flicka!

here you are
cata cata cata!
caterpillar girl
you flicker
and you're beautiful
you glow inside my head
you hold me hypnotized
I'm mesmerized...
your flames the flames that kiss me dead

cata cata cata!
caterpillar girl
cata cata cata!
caterpillar girl
cata cata cata!
caterpillar girl
cata cata cata! cata cata cata!
caterpillar girl

It is official, the gorgeous flutters of happiness in my tummy are from

Sofia Blue Kennedy
And like music to my ears...
the doctor said after the 40 minute long exam
All is well, she is growing perfectly fine, and she is a cutie!

I’M COMING OUT, I WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW…

WEEK 18
I try not to discuss work on such a lovely site like this but it is work that is kicking me in the a**. Then, Little Bean continuously brings me back to reality and I am thankful. A little rub to my belly and I realize no matter what I do, I can’t make everyone happy all the time. It’s day by day. That is all I will state about this week with work. Little Bean is bringing me a new sense of peace I don’t think I would have ever reached alone. Ryan saves me from myself and the little one fulfills the other half I need, harmony. Hmmm…possible name option?

Funny thing about this little bundle of love, possibly being a girl, is that Ryan, I think week 12, had a vivid dream about a “gorgeous little girl” with big green eyes and was this amazingly brilliant child. I was in the kitchen in the morning when he came in from just waking up and told me ALL about it with the sweetest, dumbfounded smile I have ever seen. He carried on about the details, Little Red-Haired girl (go Charlie Brown) and she was about 4-5 years old in the dream. It melted my heart ‘cos was this a premonition, I guess we will find out week 19?

Ryan has been working so hard on getting the house ready for us and it looks amazing. I can't even express the hard work he has put in to make sure we are moving in to a chemical-free, aesthetically pleasing house. Arrrgghhh, I love this guy! Anyhow, he suggested I do some yard work and landscaping and I thought “cheap!” That is not contributing like he is BUT I wound up having a great time. He was inside stripping paint; I was raking and trimming. It was fun. I didn’t get much done Sunday ‘cos we bought a porch swing on Craig’s List and I was able to pick it up. That took up a good chunk of time. I can’t wait to give it a good go next weekend. Any suggestions for this amateur landscaper/gardener, please? I want to do lavender bushes in the front of the house…hmmm…

Well, I am a cheese ball, sue me, but when I was delivering our last rent check, that felt weird ‘cos the next check will be for a MORTGAGE. The building “manager” casually extended our chat long enough to ask the big question I have tried to dodge as much as possible. I saw it coming but I’m a sucker for babies and she has a little 2 month old. In that conversation, as I had confessed about my belly, she suggested for me to go online and Google “Chinese Calendar for Gender” prediction and of course, I did…duh! And so, in about 8 out of 10 calendars, it’s a girl! She swears by it and promises it has been accurate with her friends too! So, 2 lady predictions later, a doctor sorta’ guessing it is a girl, several free internet Chinese calendars later, we are having a little girl…awwww…I stared at that last ultrasound picture and saw the cutest little girl face I have ever seen. I was in la-la-land.

Oh, guess what, the turkey is baking and will be done soon as my belly button begins to make its way out! I was rubbing some of that belly crème on and realized this week, “holy smokes, what else is changing here?” My little button. Looks weird to ‘cos for sho’ I am pregnant!

No, no, check this out. Guess who made her dancing debut? Little Bean! That’s right ladies and gentlemen (seriously are any guys reading this?)…I felt movement. Actually, I felt official movement October 7th at about midnight. This has been traditionally a time I wake up to use the restroom and as I tried to go back to sleep, I felt this strange sensation. I have become quite attune to my body and know the muscle spasms and all those feelings but this was different. Really different. I didn’t take it too seriously and thought it was too soon, though books tell to expect movement from week 16 on. That same day at work, there it was again during 6th period as I worked at my desk! It was my conference period, no kids, so I ran to my friend Beth's computer class and asked, “how do you know it’s movement?” Our other classroom teacher was there too and of course I excitingly asked her too! On my way home I called other mama’s and I got to speak to Karla. She is so great, by the way. And there it was, Little Bean was moving! I went to take dinner to Ryan later that night and I felt another poke as I told him about the movements. I think it's difficult for him to wrap his head around this concept.

BUT tonight…but tonight. At about 7:15pm, I was watching Project Runway (sorry Michelle but didn't this season suck?). Anyhow, I had my Buddha Box on my bell and there it was. This people was magical. This was, “I am moving mom, I am rolling over in here.” It was Bean really moving. I cried. I called Ryan. I cried. I know I had felt a little something before but this was full on, “I am swimming in your belly” Just getting choked up reliving this…

ALL I SEE IS YOU....

WEEK 17

The week began with a lovely dinner with Michelle and Todd as a belated birthday dinner at PF Changs. That grub was good. Well, I just tore up the garlic noodles that were heavenly. I was really bad that day too. I ate Doritos earlier at our schools Beach Day celebration and just could not stop AND I ended it with Cold Stone ice cream, courtesy of Michelle’s duty as Little Beans tia (Spanish for aunt). My stomach paid for it though. Little Bean must have been thinking, “What is this woman doing to me?” I’ve been pretty health but when I fall off the wagon, I stumble and roll in the mud!! No more of that nonsense. I love the comment from people that it’s okay to be a piglet ‘cos I am eating for 2!?!? I generally hear it when junk food is around and I give these treats the once over but I control myself. I don't want pregnancy to be a permit for me to eat like a piggy. I’m getting sick of hearing that one. To me, eating for 2 means eat through out the day. Look what happened to Mila Jovovich. She went from this (picture on the right) to that!! 60lbs 'cos she had never eaten before when she was a model. I swore she was having twins. Not me sir...moderation is key plus I'm a shorty :(

[Blah!]

So, okay…okay, we didn’t officially become "home owners" until Friday. We signed documents Wednesday BUT escrow didn’t close until Friday (don’t I know sound like I know what I’m talking about?) All funds cleared and we were able to get our keys Friday. BUT, I don’t think it counted until Sunday when our lovely real estate agent, Nancy, handed us our keys in front of our house. We captured this silly moment too. (picture coming soon)

This week, my belly has begun the “itchies” on my tummy. I hope for no stretch marks but I got my tiger stripes (as Ryan calls them) during that fascinating period we call puberty. I am bound to get them but that doesn’t stop the lathering of the belly cremes daily and nightly. I even have a little song I sing to Little Bean while I do this. I figured he/she might be sleeping/chillin’ when I massage my belly, and I bounce the baby around in there so I began humming a tune so it would know what was coming. Cheesy? Yes…but blah to you.

Speaking of blah…guess who is getting sick again? (sniffle, sniffle) That’s right, that would be ME! Now, I am nursing a cold, more like a head cold. Once again, I think I got it from adults. There was not school on Monday but teachers had to attend Profession Development and that’s when all that mess began. I came home a bit weary and all of a sudden, my nose felt stuffy, I was sneezing, and had no appetite. Of course, I made myself eat but it was a struggle.

[sigh]

The week was fairly challenging at work but the light at the end was a doctor’s appointment on Wednesday. You know what that means?…a chance to see Little Bean is enough fuel to get me through this. Thankfully Ryan was off again!! I love going with him and anticipating his giggle when Bean appears on the screen. He/she has gotten so big! The machine used wasn’t too good ‘cos secretly I kept having Rachel (Friends) moments as I could not make out the baby! I’m terrible, I couldn’t find the baby as Ryan could. (This explains posting only 1 out of 5 photos, this was the best one) Then it came, “What sex is it Doctor?”…..poor machinery and a sleepy Bean gave us a 51% chance it is a…………....………wait for it ……….....…….....a girl, but I won’t get proper confirmation until next Friday when we get an intense sonogram. Above all, a heart was beating, little limbs were visible, and doctor said all is well. As I end week 17, I have gained a total of 10lbs, I officially weigh more than Ryan.

[wah-wah]

(Little Bean's head is on the bottom
left, you could make out gorgeous eyes
with what looks like his/her left arm next
to his/her head, the rest is blurry but
you can see a cute little head)